Out With the Doubt

It’s resolution time, y’all! Every year I make one and nearly every year I come short of my goal.  But hey, no big deal, at least I continuously get an A for effort!  Of course my goals normally are centered around improving myself in some way.  In my perfect little world I’d be a raw vegan who consumed no crack, err…sugar or processed foods, eliminate wheat completely, I’d practice yoga or pilates multiple times a week and would talk less and listen more.  But, let’s be honest, I love cheese, sugar is a must in my coffee, yoga is not in a stay-at-home mamas budget, and Im pretty certain I was speaking in complete sentences by the age of 1. So, here begins a new challenge, a really meaningful 2014 resolution, or rather a revolution, because it IS that big of a deal.

I will speak positively about myself.  I will speak positively about my body.  I will speak positively about things that I create.

This need for a change came to me slowly, as I began catching myself saying things that were all but positive about myself, my body, my house and things that I spend countless hours creating.  I can dish out the compliments all day long and gush over how wonderful, selfless, strong and brave every female around me is but when it comes time for me, well, that’s a totally different story.

If you were to tell me how amazing it was that I just ran a 1/2 marathon, I would tell you, “Yes, it was great, but my body still hasn’t changed any because I’m constantly snacking” or Yes, it was awesome but man was my time slooooow.”

If you were to tell me how beautiful a dress was that I made for my daughter, I would certainly be the first to point out all the places that I messed up the stitching.

If you were to tell me that you thought my hair looked nice, I would probably tell you that I’m terrible at keeping up with my hair and haven’t had it trimmed in months!

If I were to give you a handmade gift of any sort, it would be tremendously difficult for me to not tell you the parts that I wished I had done differently.

If it were the first (or fiftieth) time you came to my house & you complimented any aspect of it, I would most likely tell you how I hate that the landlord never keeps up with it and how you can’t shuffle your feet or you’ll get splinters. I might apologize for the dog hair, for the toys, and for any visible speck of dust, crumbs or laundry pile that you may encounter during your visit. (you know, all the ways that make it obvious that a real live human actually inhabits my home)

And the ridiculous part of this is that I could make a list three pages long that includes all of the ways that I’ve spoken negatively about myself in the past few weeks alone.  WHY?  I really have no idea because the truth is, I’m damn proud of running that 1/2 marathon, I love giving handmade gifts even when they are ridden with mess ups, I think I do a great job of keeping up with my house and I only 1/2 care about the fact that I’m the laziest lady ever when it comes to keeping up with my hair! So, why all the negative crap? I’m not sure, but I do know I’ve got to put it in check. (do people even say that anymore?!)  It’s not just me either who struggles with this stuff.  I hear it constantly from women that I love and who are nothing less than amazing:

“Here’s a picture of my new haircut, do you like it? Sorry for the mess in the background please just ignore it!”

“Look at this beautiful new ring, sorry for the not so pretty hands!”

“Sorry my house is such a mess” (x’s 500 because every house I walk into it feels the mama is constantly apologizing for living there)

“Look at my stomach, I’ve had no self control this holiday season”

“I’m going to indulge tonight and get dessert!”

and so on, and so forth…….

This year I am striving to put an end to this.  No more apologizing for nothing. It’s not useful, productive or positive to put oneself down.  Every female in my life that I have encountered is working their butt off to make themselves and their families better.  Nobody else but you gives a flying monkey turd if you have unfolded laundry on your couch. Nobody but you notices if you gained 5 holiday pounds.  Nobody but you is worried if your house isn’t “perfect”. So it’s just time to stop the negative cycle of self-doubt, self-hatred and constant worrying.  We all have ways that we can improve but talking shit about yourself certainly isn’t the way to do it.  (that was all directed at you but mostly was a pep talk for me)  I have a daughter who hears every word that rolls off of my tongue.  She will become what I am, like it or not, and I’m determined to help this little lady grow into a strong, ambitious, self-confident woman.  I have all the faith in the world in her, and I need to believe the same for myself.

This year I’m changing things. Out with the doubt and in with the positive self affirmations.

THIS YEAR

If you tell me you are impressed that I ran a 1/2 marathon, I will tell you that I’m proud of my accomplishment and that I can’t wait to continue to improve and run another!

If you tell me that you think a dress that I make is beautiful, I will tell you, “thank you, I’m glad that you love it” and that “I cannot wait to continue sewing new patterns and building up an Etsy shop.”

If you tell me that you love my hair I will say “thank you”

If I give you a handmade gift, I will watch with pride as you ohh and ahh over the item that I spent more time than you are probably aware of, creating something super special for you!

For me, for my daughter and for you, this year things are a changin’ and I’m excited to turn this negative train around and to remember to:

Speak positively about myself.  Speak positively about my body. Speak positively about things that I create.

I hope you’ll jump on board!

Cranxiety

Cranxiety: Anxiety that a crafter/ maker experiences when:

1) Creating an item and wondering if it will be well liked/received/ appreciated by the recipient

2) Creating an item for someone and wondering if it will fit appropriately

3) Creating an item and comparing it to other makers items.

4) Being overly critical of their own goods.

5) They want to apply to a really super awesome craft show in their town but wonder if they really are as cool as those other really cool makers that they saw at the previous years craft show.

And that my friends is what I’m experiencing right now.  You see, there is this super rad craft show in my town put on by Craft Mafia.  It’s not just your grandmas craft show, y’all! It seriously is the bees knees.  I used to have an etsy shop where I sold whimsical crocheted hats targeted towards newborns/babies.  It was fun, for a bit until I realized that crocheting all the day long just wasn’t appealing.  Don’t get me wrong, I love crocheting but I also love dabbling in so many other things that I was feeling stuck and so I stopped. Crocheting is pretty awesome but crocheting hat after hat after hat gets mundane, no matter how adorable they are.  Most certainly some of these guys will make an appearance in the etsy shop, because there is no way I could totally kick such cuteness out!

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I’ve continued making many things as gifts for family and friends since I stepped away from my days as a compulsive yarn-buying crocheter of infant hats. I’m also in the works of getting my shit together to open up a new, improved, much more up my “not in a box alley” etsy shop. BUT that hasn’t completely happened quite yet! However, currently in the works are:

1) Expanding on these sweet little gnome hats that I made for Sugar Pies birthday party.  I’m thinking felt pirate hats, crowns, and wizard hats as well as of course, the gnome hats!

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2) 4 ft. play tents aka: “pup tents”

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3) Some lovely ribbon wands, which will also get expanded upon and turned into wizard/magic wands, fairy/princess wands etc..

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3) Capes, capes, capes! I’m way excited about these but don’t have a good picture yet to post!  Just imagine dual sided capes: 1 side super hero, 1 side magician/wizard- totally fun, no?

4) I also have been cranking out a good number of these little personalized swaddle wraps (which I know don’t flow with the above, but whatevs..) that will probably go up in the new etsy shop, but maybe it wouldn’t really make sense at the craft show!

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5) Felt Donuts!!!!!!! Donuts are totally the new cupcake, don’t you agree!?  I’ll have to take a picture of some completed donuts tomorrow (which come in sets of 3 in a cute little sewn bag).  I am thinking of maybe adding some other felted sweets, or maybe not, I don’t know! For now, here is a little teaser of what I’ve been working on:

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6) Embroidered hoop art!  This stuff takes fo-evaaaa yo- that’s no lie.  I now totally get why they are so pricey to buy!  Also, I randomly decided to try wrapping the outside with fabric and WHOA- I’m in love! I don’t know if I would sell these or not if accepted into Richmonds finest craft show, but you can bet that at least one will be used to enhance my display because they are beautiful!

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Now do you see why I can’t just crochet newborn hats all the day long!? My brain just wasn’t putting up with that nonsense.

Oh and yes, I’m supposed to also describe on the application how my booth will look! Whaaaaa? My booth? First I’ve got get all my goods together THAN I’ll get that booth together! One step at a time grasshopper! But do not worry- I am an art teacher, currently on hold, and I know how to set up a mean display that won’t disappoint!

Onward I go, I’m going to just bite the bullet and apply. I only have $10 to lose, which actually would buy me two lattes at my favorite coffee shop here in town.  Even more reason why I need to make the cut because I can’t handle wasted coffee money!

Wish me luck!