Got My Mind Set on You!

Was George Harrison infertile? I REALLY need to know, but I’m pretty sure I already know the answer.  Because honest to God, I nearly tripped over my own feet while out on a run the other day when “Got My Mind Set on You” started playing on my IPod.  I mean……just listen to the guy preach on and on and try to tell me it isn’t about fertility woes:

“I got my mind set on you
But it’s gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It’s gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child

It’s gonna take time
A whole lotta precious time
It’s gonna take patience and time
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it right child”

Coincidence? I think not!

Yes, we are in the midst of infertility treatments round two. What fun! Luckily enough I have found a new specialist that has been wonderful so far.  I wasn’t sure, when my old RE retired, that I would ever find someone who would genuinely enjoy things like my one hit wonder, “Swim Through My Cervix” but I feel 95% certain that this new doctor would dig it.  He’s pretty laid back, has a good bedside manner and most importantly seems to know his shit. So that’s always a good thing! I recently had a procedure done where we found out that one tube is stuck again to the back of my uterine wall, which means man down on that side.  We are going to focus on the other side and send lots of ovary/fallopian tube loving juju to that area and hope it can make up for the other sides lack of function.  My doctor wants to smooth out my bumpy ute (aka- remove polyps) so that hopefully it will make a cozier nest for any little embryos that decide to hang out.  He also wants me to do an IUI very soon after that.  I’m not so sure I’m ready.  That shits expensive.  I am however, going to start seeing an acupuncturist and explore some natural/ diet remedies first.  Hopefully surgeries and IUI’s are not in my future, but I won’t rule it out either. If all else fails, I’m just going to buy one of these Ova Acheivers from I Heart Guts and snuggle it every night for good measure

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So a big ol’ BOO to even having to think about this again.  I was secretly hoping I would be one of those people whose pregnancy just magically cured their body.  Alas, I have no such luck.  I did get pregnant (it was almost exactly one year ago) but naturally my uterus was a bitch and didn’t make a very cushy nest for my babe.  Miscarriages suck.

Secondary infertility is a strange land to hang out in.  It’s weird to continue wanting more of what you already have.  I would gladly give my slice of pizza to another who was starving if I could.  I’d eat my one slice, give out the extras and just be happy that I even had a piece.  BUT, the tricky part is that infertility isn’t like pizza.  (if you’ve followed my saga for awhile, you should get that dramatic pizza reference 😉 )  It’s very hard to discuss the woes of getting pregnant with #2 when I feel like I should just be grateful I even have one.  As a matter of fact, it’s so difficult that I’ve sat here at my computer attempting to put into words what it’s like and I just can’t seem to explain it.  So maybe that’s a blog for another day.

Oh, and you’re welcome for getting that song stuck in your head.  I’m certain you’ll be singing,” To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it to do it RIIIIIIGHT!”  for the next 3 days!

Attack of the Rabid 4 Year Old Squirrel Boys!

Typically I’m not the kind of person to intercede and correct another persons child.  However, if your kid is on the verge of harming themselves or another child, this mama has no problem stepping in if you are not to be found!  With that said, you can probably guess what happened today!

This morning, Sugarpie & I took a trip to the local childrens museum, which is a pretty amazing place for kids to run and play.  Most parents tend to hang close by their children as it’s a pretty large place which makes it super easy to lose track of them.  We started off playing in an area meant for babies and as S enjoyed herself, I noted the other mamas around me.  There was one in particular that was tall and slender, and came across as calm and full of zen as she spoke to one of her fellow mama friends.  She had dark hair that was knotted up in a perfect bun on the top of her head, and though she wore no makeup, it was clear by her complexion that it didn’t matter, it was flawless.  She seemed to have many qualities that I feel like I’m always striving for.

Fast forward fifteen minutes later.  S had made her way out of the baby area and into a pretend diner.  As she played, or attempted to, I noticed that there wasn’t really any play food to be found so she quickly moved on to a car repair area.  Suddenly from afar I heard a boy scream, “GET AWAY BEFORE I KICK YOUR BUTT!!!”  A few minutes later, I realized that all of that missing food from the diner (and the supermarket play area beside it) had been taken by three older kids and shoved up a play tree trunk.  The boys were guarding the food in the trunk like rabid squirrels who had just collected enough nuts for the winter.  (and yes that’s just a metaphor because I am aware that squirrels don’t shove their stashes up tree trunks)  Two other boys were attempting to play and the gaggle of three began calling them “butt heads” and chasing them away from their stash.  Things got intense, and one boy got kicked in the head by a rabid squirrel boy and began crying profusely.  Their two moms began whispering, “where are these boys parents?! who do they even belong to?” and then started calling for their kids to leave that area and specifically said to them, “do NOT go near those boys down there!”  This all happened in a matter of minutes and I was really annoyed that nobody was aware of what a scene their children were causing!

Naturally S decided that she wanted to go play on the slide which just happened to be over top of where the evil squirrel boys were hoarding their stash.  I let her play but decided to stay very close by in case of an eminent squirrel boy attack.  All was good….at first. AND THEN, of course, one of them decided to emerge from the cave and quickly climbed up the ladder, pushing passed S and was just about to fly down the slide (that I just so happened to be standing right up against) when I noticed that a little girl was at the bottom of the slide trying to come up.  Instinctively I put my arm out in front of squirrel boy and said “wait a second! You’re going to knock her down, let her move first!” to which he said, “I don’t care she’s mine!” and started to go.  I grabbed his arm (nicely- not aggressively) mid-slide and kept saying “you’re going to hit her, stop!”  Suddenly, just like that his mother appears and doesn’t say, “thanks for stopping him” or anything nice or appreciative.  Instead she snaps at me, “He’s fine! This is his sister!”  (Because apparently it makes it totally ok for your kid to knock the crap out of someone if it’s his own sister) I look up and who was his mother? That calm, zen filled beauty I saw thirty minutes before, hanging out on the other side of the museum.  Turns out that you really cannot judge a book by their cover! Then I heard her friend mutter, “she obviously didn’t realize that you were right here!”

But what SHE  didn’t realize is that I had just spent ten minutes watching her kid be a total a-hole and I was pretty done with it.  He had already hurt multiple other kids, pissed off two other mamas, and was hoarding food in the tree so that other kids couldn’t enjoy them.  I wanted to tell her so.  I wanted to tell her that she missed a lot in those twenty minutes that she was away.  I wanted to tell her that normally I’d never intercede like that but that I was DONE watching him run wild and act like a four year old bully to other kids.  But I didn’t.

The museum has a small train that runs inside and on our way out, S and I decided to stop for a ride one last time.  We happened to ride in the same seat that the rabid squirrels sat in previously.  They left their snack trash on the seat  and I begrudgingly picked it up in my hands, while imagining myself chucking it at Mrs. Unaware! As we turned the corner for our last stop I KID YOU NOT, there were the two rabid squirrel boys waiting in line to go again with their faces pressed through the metal bars licking them up and down with mama no where in sight.

**Shivers**

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How do you handle things when children are in public and are acting wild and unruly when their parents or guardians are nowhere to be found?

Out With the Doubt

It’s resolution time, y’all! Every year I make one and nearly every year I come short of my goal.  But hey, no big deal, at least I continuously get an A for effort!  Of course my goals normally are centered around improving myself in some way.  In my perfect little world I’d be a raw vegan who consumed no crack, err…sugar or processed foods, eliminate wheat completely, I’d practice yoga or pilates multiple times a week and would talk less and listen more.  But, let’s be honest, I love cheese, sugar is a must in my coffee, yoga is not in a stay-at-home mamas budget, and Im pretty certain I was speaking in complete sentences by the age of 1. So, here begins a new challenge, a really meaningful 2014 resolution, or rather a revolution, because it IS that big of a deal.

I will speak positively about myself.  I will speak positively about my body.  I will speak positively about things that I create.

This need for a change came to me slowly, as I began catching myself saying things that were all but positive about myself, my body, my house and things that I spend countless hours creating.  I can dish out the compliments all day long and gush over how wonderful, selfless, strong and brave every female around me is but when it comes time for me, well, that’s a totally different story.

If you were to tell me how amazing it was that I just ran a 1/2 marathon, I would tell you, “Yes, it was great, but my body still hasn’t changed any because I’m constantly snacking” or Yes, it was awesome but man was my time slooooow.”

If you were to tell me how beautiful a dress was that I made for my daughter, I would certainly be the first to point out all the places that I messed up the stitching.

If you were to tell me that you thought my hair looked nice, I would probably tell you that I’m terrible at keeping up with my hair and haven’t had it trimmed in months!

If I were to give you a handmade gift of any sort, it would be tremendously difficult for me to not tell you the parts that I wished I had done differently.

If it were the first (or fiftieth) time you came to my house & you complimented any aspect of it, I would most likely tell you how I hate that the landlord never keeps up with it and how you can’t shuffle your feet or you’ll get splinters. I might apologize for the dog hair, for the toys, and for any visible speck of dust, crumbs or laundry pile that you may encounter during your visit. (you know, all the ways that make it obvious that a real live human actually inhabits my home)

And the ridiculous part of this is that I could make a list three pages long that includes all of the ways that I’ve spoken negatively about myself in the past few weeks alone.  WHY?  I really have no idea because the truth is, I’m damn proud of running that 1/2 marathon, I love giving handmade gifts even when they are ridden with mess ups, I think I do a great job of keeping up with my house and I only 1/2 care about the fact that I’m the laziest lady ever when it comes to keeping up with my hair! So, why all the negative crap? I’m not sure, but I do know I’ve got to put it in check. (do people even say that anymore?!)  It’s not just me either who struggles with this stuff.  I hear it constantly from women that I love and who are nothing less than amazing:

“Here’s a picture of my new haircut, do you like it? Sorry for the mess in the background please just ignore it!”

“Look at this beautiful new ring, sorry for the not so pretty hands!”

“Sorry my house is such a mess” (x’s 500 because every house I walk into it feels the mama is constantly apologizing for living there)

“Look at my stomach, I’ve had no self control this holiday season”

“I’m going to indulge tonight and get dessert!”

and so on, and so forth…….

This year I am striving to put an end to this.  No more apologizing for nothing. It’s not useful, productive or positive to put oneself down.  Every female in my life that I have encountered is working their butt off to make themselves and their families better.  Nobody else but you gives a flying monkey turd if you have unfolded laundry on your couch. Nobody but you notices if you gained 5 holiday pounds.  Nobody but you is worried if your house isn’t “perfect”. So it’s just time to stop the negative cycle of self-doubt, self-hatred and constant worrying.  We all have ways that we can improve but talking shit about yourself certainly isn’t the way to do it.  (that was all directed at you but mostly was a pep talk for me)  I have a daughter who hears every word that rolls off of my tongue.  She will become what I am, like it or not, and I’m determined to help this little lady grow into a strong, ambitious, self-confident woman.  I have all the faith in the world in her, and I need to believe the same for myself.

This year I’m changing things. Out with the doubt and in with the positive self affirmations.

THIS YEAR

If you tell me you are impressed that I ran a 1/2 marathon, I will tell you that I’m proud of my accomplishment and that I can’t wait to continue to improve and run another!

If you tell me that you think a dress that I make is beautiful, I will tell you, “thank you, I’m glad that you love it” and that “I cannot wait to continue sewing new patterns and building up an Etsy shop.”

If you tell me that you love my hair I will say “thank you”

If I give you a handmade gift, I will watch with pride as you ohh and ahh over the item that I spent more time than you are probably aware of, creating something super special for you!

For me, for my daughter and for you, this year things are a changin’ and I’m excited to turn this negative train around and to remember to:

Speak positively about myself.  Speak positively about my body. Speak positively about things that I create.

I hope you’ll jump on board!

Figuring it all out

So, life has happened and I’ve fallen off the blogging boat. A family emergency came up and I flew out of town for two weeks! I realized that I had no idea how to easily navigate WordPress on the iPad or phone, so I just didn’t.

Well, fast forward one week and the brilliant realization that the iPhone has an app for everything came to me! So now I’m mobile too, which hopefully will make blogging 1,000xs faster and easier! Yay!

Now if only I could figure out how to “follow” other bloggers on here and to create a blog roll!? I had this all figured out on blogger and now moving to WordPress is making me feel like a newbie all over! Slowly, slowly…..

Cranxiety

Cranxiety: Anxiety that a crafter/ maker experiences when:

1) Creating an item and wondering if it will be well liked/received/ appreciated by the recipient

2) Creating an item for someone and wondering if it will fit appropriately

3) Creating an item and comparing it to other makers items.

4) Being overly critical of their own goods.

5) They want to apply to a really super awesome craft show in their town but wonder if they really are as cool as those other really cool makers that they saw at the previous years craft show.

And that my friends is what I’m experiencing right now.  You see, there is this super rad craft show in my town put on by Craft Mafia.  It’s not just your grandmas craft show, y’all! It seriously is the bees knees.  I used to have an etsy shop where I sold whimsical crocheted hats targeted towards newborns/babies.  It was fun, for a bit until I realized that crocheting all the day long just wasn’t appealing.  Don’t get me wrong, I love crocheting but I also love dabbling in so many other things that I was feeling stuck and so I stopped. Crocheting is pretty awesome but crocheting hat after hat after hat gets mundane, no matter how adorable they are.  Most certainly some of these guys will make an appearance in the etsy shop, because there is no way I could totally kick such cuteness out!

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I’ve continued making many things as gifts for family and friends since I stepped away from my days as a compulsive yarn-buying crocheter of infant hats. I’m also in the works of getting my shit together to open up a new, improved, much more up my “not in a box alley” etsy shop. BUT that hasn’t completely happened quite yet! However, currently in the works are:

1) Expanding on these sweet little gnome hats that I made for Sugar Pies birthday party.  I’m thinking felt pirate hats, crowns, and wizard hats as well as of course, the gnome hats!

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2) 4 ft. play tents aka: “pup tents”

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3) Some lovely ribbon wands, which will also get expanded upon and turned into wizard/magic wands, fairy/princess wands etc..

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3) Capes, capes, capes! I’m way excited about these but don’t have a good picture yet to post!  Just imagine dual sided capes: 1 side super hero, 1 side magician/wizard- totally fun, no?

4) I also have been cranking out a good number of these little personalized swaddle wraps (which I know don’t flow with the above, but whatevs..) that will probably go up in the new etsy shop, but maybe it wouldn’t really make sense at the craft show!

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5) Felt Donuts!!!!!!! Donuts are totally the new cupcake, don’t you agree!?  I’ll have to take a picture of some completed donuts tomorrow (which come in sets of 3 in a cute little sewn bag).  I am thinking of maybe adding some other felted sweets, or maybe not, I don’t know! For now, here is a little teaser of what I’ve been working on:

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6) Embroidered hoop art!  This stuff takes fo-evaaaa yo- that’s no lie.  I now totally get why they are so pricey to buy!  Also, I randomly decided to try wrapping the outside with fabric and WHOA- I’m in love! I don’t know if I would sell these or not if accepted into Richmonds finest craft show, but you can bet that at least one will be used to enhance my display because they are beautiful!

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Now do you see why I can’t just crochet newborn hats all the day long!? My brain just wasn’t putting up with that nonsense.

Oh and yes, I’m supposed to also describe on the application how my booth will look! Whaaaaa? My booth? First I’ve got get all my goods together THAN I’ll get that booth together! One step at a time grasshopper! But do not worry- I am an art teacher, currently on hold, and I know how to set up a mean display that won’t disappoint!

Onward I go, I’m going to just bite the bullet and apply. I only have $10 to lose, which actually would buy me two lattes at my favorite coffee shop here in town.  Even more reason why I need to make the cut because I can’t handle wasted coffee money!

Wish me luck!

Express Yo-self, HEY HEY HEY HEY!

Happy Friday everyone!  Apparently the Harvest Moon (is that supposed to be capitalized?!) is in full effect. I woke up this morning to Sugar Pie having a fever and my sassy Pomeranian drinking absurd amounts of water which led me to think he was having renal failure and would be dead within hours.  Then he vomited blue. Then I saw a bag of homemade salt dough sitting on the kitchen table that he had ripped into and eaten, which explained the copious fluid intake.

photo Seriously, this dog has consumed so much shit (literally and figuratively because he does eat his own turds on a regular basis) that I don’t know how he isn’t dead.  These toxic items include but are not limited to, 1 pack of mint gum, 1 pack of cigarettes, salt dough, ant bait, dark chocolate and so on and so forth.

But yes, I’m blaming that damn moon on my inability to sleep, my neurotic dog going into fake renal failure and my daughter having a fever.

Moving on.

The weather was amazing here this morning, in the 60’s and overcast. So so dreamy! Naturally, I broke out the recipe for some really awesome sidewalk paint to get creative with Sugar Pie & to try to forget that she’s on the verge of an inevitable bug.  I found this great recipe on Pinterest somewhere but never actually pinned it. It works beautifully, is bright, and washes off with a hose!  The first time that we used the paint, it was on our back patio.  When we first painted, it appeared very thin and translucent but within 2 minutes it began drying and became bright and opaque!

cropped-paintingpicture.jpgSugar Pie did decide to dump the paints and use her hands and feet to smear the paint all over, rather than to paint but hey, she’s two! Today I was hunting for something different from just a cup to mix the paints, in hopes of encouraging her to paint with the brush and not dump the paints everywhere.  And there they were staring at me from high in my cabinet, some good old snack cups!  Brilliant! Perfect size for mixing paints, they have the slotted openings so that a brush would easily fit inside, enough of a lid to discourage her from dumping the paint AND a handle so that she could hold her paint in one hand and her brush in another!

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We also added some glitter into the paint this time, which was really fun and showed up nicely once the paint dried!

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The only bummer about the paint is that it was pretty difficult to actually paint on a sidewalk due to the rough texture!  Driveways, patios, bricks and anything else that you dare let your toddler enhance, would all be very great options to use this paint on. (though you may want to do a little test spot to make sure it won’t stain if you’re worried about that)

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And now (FINALLY) the recipe:

Sidewalk Paint:

2TBS cornstarch

3TBS water

2TBS washable paint (we used Crayola kids paints)

Mix them all up and you have enough for one color!  I didn’t measure the glitter, I just poured a bunch into each cup because truth be told, you can never have too much glitter!!!!

Enjoy!

XO

Here We Go Again

I’m baaaaack!  I’m way excited to start blogging again & documenting/ sharing / commiserating with you all.  It’s been far too long.  Writing this post feels like the beginning of a story or a new friendship and I’ll be honest,  beginnings are quite awkward for me.

Once upon a time a few years back, I started a blog dedicated to my journey through infertility.  It was quite amazing how blogging about such a painful, all-consuming part of my life helped me wade through the shit hole that it was is.  (oh and yes, I do use profanity in my writing because there are very few moments I can scream a good, “what the fuck?!” in real life and you ALL know that feels good to scream now and again!) SO, three or so years later I landed pregnant after our “third and final” IUI and after multiple surgeries, procedures and miscarriages.  Which meant suddenly I was on the other side and it left me with no idea how to post about my new mama woes on a blog dedicated to infertility.  So I didn’t.  For two years, I did not write.  BECAUSE really, nobody going through that shit hole cares about how you no longer sleep. ever.

Two years later and my sweet Sugar Pie sleeps, and so do I. Which, has opened a whole new door.  I now can muster the energy to bake, cook, craft, sew and do some of the things that I find lots of joy in!  Before Sugar Pie came along I was an elementary art teacher & it’s just in my blood to make things (except for apparently babies, I’m not really good at making those).

So here we are, starting this blogging relationship all over again & I’m pumped!  This go round I’m not putting myself in a box though.  YES, I am still quite infertile & will be taking you down the inevitable shit hole #2 with me BUT that is not all oh no, that is not all.  Quite certainly at some point I’ll ramble & share all about

art, photography, gentle parenting, being a DIY idea stealer borrower, infertility, coffee, coffee, coffee, sewing, cooking, baking, Sugar Pie, being a wannabe vegetarian, craftiness, running, being a SAHM, toddler crafts,

AND whatever other random thoughts may flow from my fingers onto this lovely screen.

A big welcome to everyone and thanks for stopping by my new humble abode on this here interwebs!

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